I am afraid. afraid to sleep for the pulling of the night on my eyelids, dragging me through wormholes, between the carefully corrupted walls of a labyrinth of grief, where moments of comfort are mocked, the hands of a gentle moment caressing my face ever so briefly, only for them to be suddenly removed, harshly stinging the tender skin of my face, my heart?, while I choke on the shocking loss of warmth. I felt it so quickly yet I yearn for it so desperately, vying for it, grasping for it, like a starved dog, chained just beyond reach of a dish of food, like an addict saying: “just one more hit” as I once again let myself fall deep beneath the tumultuous waves of sleep where I am beaten within an inch of my life and so vomit myself out onto the cold bathroom floor of horror and death, the world spinning and my head aching as my blood dries in the numb white grout of the tile.
everything hurts i cant stop doing things wrong whenever i think im doing something good i ruin it why cant things be normal abuse me im just a kid still please dont get angry i was just stuck i want my mommy but she doesnt care the same anymore i want to go home but i dont have a home anymore im an emotional nomad i hurt myself to be good for you this isnt poetic its just pain i think i need to lie down maybe die fuck
okay
i think i might be happy i know it wont last but i want it while i can