The web site of tiredwandress
j o u r n a l


I am afraid. afraid to sleep for the pulling of the night on my eyelids,
dragging me through wormholes,
between the carefully corrupted walls of a labyrinth of grief,
where moments of comfort are mocked,
the hands of a gentle moment caressing my face ever so briefly,
only for them to be suddenly removed,
harshly stinging the tender skin of my face, my heart?,
while I choke on the shocking loss of warmth.
I felt it so quickly yet I yearn for it so desperately,
vying for it, grasping for it,
like a starved dog, chained just beyond reach of a dish of food,
like an addict saying: “just one more hit”
as I once again let myself fall deep beneath
the tumultuous waves of sleep where I am beaten
within an inch of my life and so vomit myself
out onto the cold bathroom floor of horror and death,
the world spinning and my head aching as my blood dries
in the numb white grout of the tile.


everything hurts
i cant stop doing things wrong
whenever i think im doing something good i ruin it
why cant things be normal
abuse me
im just a kid still
please dont get angry
i was just stuck
i want my mommy
but she doesnt care the same anymore
i want to go home
but i dont have a home anymore
im an emotional nomad
i hurt myself to be good for you
this isnt poetic
its just pain
i think i need to lie down
maybe die


i think i might be happy
i know it wont last
but i want it
while i can